I am writing this message to you without sending it to you because I lost all contact with you, I miss you, and I miss you like crazy.

Life isn't the same man, it really isn't. I figured out that life isn't nice, and that it is a very mean and nasty place. Mohammed, I never knew that I will lose you somewhere along in my life, because I saw you as that one person I will never lose, but when I did lose you, it was the greatest loss of my life so far. I know I didn't lose you by means that we hate each other, because I definetly don't, and I know you don't, because I don't.

Everytime I remember you, I shed into tears, tears and pray that I see you soon, really soon, because a day feels too quick, but too slow and heavy when I remember that we are no longer in contact at all. Every single day is a day where you cross my mind, and you never cross my mind except that I mention you in my prayers, and I know that I don't pray for myself except that you are apart of that prayer, and the first one of any friend I ever mention in my prayers.

When I hear the word "friend", I remember you my friend, and when I hear the word "brother", I remember you my brother, and when I hear the word "army", I remember you "soldier", and when I hear the word "real", I remember you G. Everytime I see two friends walking together, especially at night, I remember you and the "night block walks" we used to have and talk about stuff I don't normally talk to with other people, we talk sense and bond, feelings and words, we talk goals and dreams, sadness and pain, shame and fear, because we know that we "know the deal", since we share one dream.

Mohammed, I never want to lose you brother, and I pray to Allah that you would be my best friend in dunya and Akhera, because my dunya is painful when I don't have you around brother, and Akhera will be better with you around brother. I pray that you are my neighbor in dunya and Akhera bro, because I don't want to choose anyone I met outside the family to be next to my family, because you're the closest thing I ever had to family from a non-blood. Though we are not brothers by blood, but we are brother by soul and bond, and I pray that our bond goes on forever.

Mohammed, I remember the last day I saw you before I left the country, and everytime I remenise that day, it feels surreal. I remember that bro hug before we departed, and when you said, "I will miss you brother", this never leaves my head. I know you do, because I 100% do. I talk to you to anyone I see that reminds me of you, and tell them they remind me of my brother and best friend, and I miss that guy every single day. I few days ago I was praying, and when I approached the line to pray Isha'a prayer, the guy next to me had the same scent perfume you used to wear, and after I finished salah, he was still praying, and I went at the back to pray sunnah and watch him so that if he left I would go after him to ask him about the name of his perfume, so you can tell that khushoo3 was 0% during that sunnah, and when I was in tashahud, he finished and left, and I quickly finished up and ran after him. By the time I wore my shoes, he was a bit far, so I ran so fast just to catch up with him, and when I came to him, I asked him for the name of his perfume and explained to him that you had the same scent and that I miss you. He then said, "Allah y5alilak yah", and there I told him that we no longer talk... it felt painful to say it, it really did.

Mohammed, you are my brother and bestfriend. I would sacrifice myself just for your safety (this sounds sus, but it is about brotherhood). You're that friend that, even after almost 3 years of distance and meeting different people and bonding with amazing friends, they are not you man, and that makes me ache more. I left Malaysia with many scars, but the deepest one was the fact that you were one of the things I lost there, and it was the worse scar because it was a part of me I lost and not just a surface wound.

It's painful to remember you Mohammed, but everytime I remember you and cry, I feel my humanity and long to remeber you more, because everytime I rememebr you and cry, I pray to Allah that I see you really soon well and happy.

I have hope in Allah that we will cross paths soon, and that Allah will fix everything, all that sadness that I have went through will be replaced with abundance that I won't be able to imagine in dunya and Akhera, and I 100% know that you will be apart of it inshaAllah, because Allah knows I miss you, and He is the only one who knows how much I do, even more than me.

You're that friend that I would write on a potrait of his to my family if I am no longer around, "If I am no longer here and you want something, call this guy, because he is me, just in a different body".

Take care G...

Your brother,

Majed